A Little Detour
by HSaddictsother1
Summary: Ya wonder what happens when the Twins, Mero and Persephone end up at a family reunion? words: Hell hath no fury
1. Chapter 1

_In the decimal-sized Mini Coupe that that dumb ass heifer Persephone talked Pervy Mervy into renting, we find One and Two cramped into the backseat; Two is marveling over the fascinating invention that is the automatic window. One is getting sick and fucking tired of him pushing that damned button up and down every 2 friggin seconds…_

"How long do I have to stay in this stupid car with this demented retard?" One shouted impatiently.

"Did someone call me?" asked Two.

"Not very long", replied Persephone," just let us get the hang of this blasted map. How is that coming along my dear?"

"Magnificently, _mon amie_!" turns map upside down, then right side up again mutters under breath _Ummm…which way is west?_

Seeing that he was surrounded by complete idiots, One retreated and leaned back in his seat, trying to achieve leg room. Meanwhile, Two was still occupied with that button.

_That son of a bitch really makes my ass itch. Hey! I rhymed! slaps forehead Distractions!... now… how do I deal with him?_

Then an idea hit him.

_The cigarette lighter!_

One then pushed down on the lighter conveniently located at the side of the door and waited for it to heat up. When it was hot enough, he took it out of the holder and pressed it into Two's left eye.

while playing with button "Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bathtime lots of fu-**AHHHH! **Oh shit! My fucking eye," shouted Two in excruciating pain, "Why the hell did you do that! I was just sitting here quietly and-"

"Sitting there quietly my ass!" One replied.

"Both of you shut the hell up and be quiet!" commanded Pervy Mervy and Persephone in unison.

After a few threats of homicide, silence fell and the Coupe cruised down the interstate headed for God-knows-what…

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the matrix… the matrix owns me. I'm a little matrix slave!!!...matrix slave…matrix slave….i'm a little matrix slave, I write what I am told!!!!!!

_One's log: Time: 3:46 a.m. Position: Middle of Effin' nowhere!!! Status: Fighting with front seat for leg room…_

"Look, if you don't move this seat up… I swear that I will rip it off of its base and hurl it out of this damned car with you still in it!!!!" One shouted to the Mero.

"One, why don't you just stretch your legs out the opposite way, you know, rest your legs on Two's lap?", suggested Mero

One was boiling over with aggravation now.

"First of all, resting my legs on Two's lap is completely GAY!!! Second of all, I will be just as cramped as I am now, and third I just forced a two whole bottles of _Ritalin_™ down his throat!!! If he wakes up I will have to kill him!!", One exclaimed.

"OK,OK. Soon, we will be pulling into a gas station. There, we will refuel, get refreshments, use the restroom. Besides, Persephone and I need to ask for directions…"

"Wait, wait, wait!!!! You don't know where the fuck we are???? How the hell do you get lost when you have a big ass map like that???

"One, navigation is a delicate process that requires…"

"A person who knows east from fucking west!!!! Did you ever figure that out???"

"Well…I…um…"

One looked at the Mero in utter disbelief. He then groaned and slouched back in his seat.

_I cant believe this fucking prick got us stuck in the middle of nowhere!!! We would have done better with Two navigating. At least he knows east from fucking west!!!...well…._

_Maybe he doesn't. I don't even understand why we aren't driving straight to the cruise ship instead of taking this pointless detour. Where the heck are we going anyway?..._

One's thought's were interrupted by the blinding white lights of the gas station lobby. The Mero pulled into pump number 7 and turned the engine off.

"Does anyone need to use the restroom?" he asked.

One said that he did and he and Mero walked into the gas station, leaving Persephone behind to pump the gas.

While Mero was paying for gas, One was having a little trouble with the jammed bathroom door. He pushed and shoved and considered beating it down. Then he remembered that he could phase through the door. While in the bathroom, One noticed little vending machines on the walls. He spotted one that sold tickler rings that were obviously "for _her_ pleasure". He considered buying one for his brother. But then he shuddered at the thought of where and what hole that Two would try to stick that thing. So he decided not to buy it. After coming from the bathroom, One spotted Two, fully recovered from his _Ritalin™ _ coma. He had a load of candy and Funyuns® in one hand and a switchblade in the other, hacking away at a video game. Apparently, it wouldn't give him his quarter back. Ignoring Two, One got a couple of fountain drinks for Two and Mero and asked the cashier for the strongest medicine available, and a lot of it. One paid for the medicine, slipped it into their drinks and slipped back into the car.

_I've had enough of this bullshit. Once those idiots are knocked out… I will find a way outta here_

One sat in the back seat waiting for the right time to carry out his plan.


End file.
